Hormonal Hell

—Turn away now if Hormones, Emotions and “girly things” make you queasy —

Wow talk about a 48 hour rollercoaster!

I have to say I’m pretty lucky when it comes to hormonal mayhem caused by good ole Auntie Flo! Mostly I’m ok, bit teary, bit meh, bit tender in the breasts…. nothing too much, and I take it in my stride *mostly*

Have to say think its only my due I calculated that I have been “fertile” for 22years, as I got my first period at 9. So I should have a hold on it by now.  They arrive on time (I only know this since I got my itouch and the period tracker app) and last 3 days… all good.

This week was NOT one of those cycles, oh it came on time, not that being “late” would hold any fear for me as the chances of falling pregnant accidentaly are non existant. But my did I land with a bang!  I’d like to thank all my lovely Twitter mates, SineadCochrane, NiamhSmith, CurlyDena, Mrs_Bopp, Distantrambler, Vickiocall, donnam13 .. even the boys, Icedcoffee, fergbyrne and the lovely EvertB tried to offer comfort and advice.

Thankfully I am aware of my cycle tendencies to know that when I hate pretty much everyone in sight, and feel the need to kick you in the head if you put a hair out of place, then something may possibly be awry! I try to be easier on myself and give myself some space and time away from everyone, for my sake and certainly for theirs.

Yesterday I thought I was losing my reason, my head was clouded in red, I just did not understand who had filled the world with the stupidest people in the world, and worse yet, WHO in the name of all things, decided to send them ALL in my direction on THAT day of all days!!

I swung from wanting to maim and injure the poor sales guy that asked me to send tapes out on an unfinished contract, to running far far far away from the sound of the trains that pass my office every 2 mins, to crying because there was no milk in the fridge. By the end of the day the only thing I was sure of, was there was no way in hell I was going back to that office the next day.  So grabbing the spare laptop I announced that for everyone’s safety I’d be working from home today.

It took me a long time to get used to my cycle, being so young when they began I was allowed all manner of special treatments. I got 3 days off school every month, and when I was angry or weepy I was just left alone, with no reprimand. It was only when I was 16 and had been getting this treatment for 7 yrs that my Mum, god bless her, told me to cop on and get over it.  I don’t mind that I became fertile so early, although I do worry if I will become infertile quicker… perhaps that’s why I’m so broody, does my body know I’m running short of time?

Which brings me to the other symptom of my cycle, other than wnating to take a machete to slow walkers on Nassau St, or headbutting colleagues for no reason, being extra sarcastic, generally weepy and craving crisps (yeuch). If Im on a bad hormonal cycle, I get EXTRA broody.

I’m pretty broody as it stands, you know this but while hormonal I am considerably beyond the norms. So of course I end up watching (and crying) at any programme about babies/children/motherhood/pregnancy. I was doing ok today, kept busy and then went for a drink with mates, came home…. and what was on iPlayer… oh yes…

Pregnancy: My Big Decision

Documentary which follows two teenage girls who are on the brink of making a big decision. Separated by age, culture and geography, but sharing the same all-consuming desire to have a baby, the girls go on a very personal journey of self discovery. But they are not going on their own – they are taking their mums and grans with them.

This documentary really called to me, from I was a teen I wanted a baby. Thankfully my eggs remained without much fertilization opportunities so it was never really a going concern. But I knew that if I was in a position to “accidentally” become pregnant it was more than likely that I would become one of those statistics.

Of the two girls, I was really intersted in Chantells story.

16-year-old Chantelle lost her virginity at 13. Having now been with her 20-year-old boyfriend for two years she is desperate for a child, but her mum Mandy and gran Maggie are against the idea. So why does Chantelle so desperately want to be a teen mum?

Before I get an farther… I’d like to ask what in the name of god is a 20 yr old doing with a 16 yr old, and more to the point when she was 14 what was he doing with her, as he was 18!  Anyhow, that aside, and it really was not addressed as an issue in the documentary it turns out that at 14 she became pregnant and opted for a termination.  A vast amount of her desire for a baby stems from her grieving from this decision. She wants to make “it all right” and I understand how she feels.

When I was a very early teen a very close person in my life had a similar decision, and went the same path as Chantelle. I still now (and did then) agree that the best decison was made, it was an unhappy ending but then I dont believe there would have been a happy ending from that story. Life returned to the way it was and everyone moved on, but 3yrs later it hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though this situation was not mine, and I did not experience it other than to be on the sidelines, I began to grieve.

I had always been broody and baby-centric but now it was worse, all of a sudden. I never really knew how to process it and many years later, in counselling for something else, I realised. I wanted a chance to “make it right” to apologise, what for I’m not sure, but I understood where the swell of broodiness came from in those teenage years.

If you have a chance watch the show, its good even if you just want to shout at the other participant, a spoiled silly 14yr old.  But Chantelle’s story, her mum’s story and her fantastic 80 yr old gran are really worth finding out about.

Fingers crossed by tomorrow good ship red menace will have done her worst to me and I can return to calmer waters and lick my wounds.

For now I leave you with this: