Here I am, in my sunny apartment waiting on the movers.

The last few weeks have flown by, with guests, and packing and meeting friends.

Last night, some of my lovely gayboy friends came by to help me carry the 10 boxes down to the first floor.  As both of my colleagues are away on holidays, one in Japan and one in Africa, I’ve been working from home all week. Which has been ace, actually.

I can get up and work in PJ’s from 9-12.30, then jump in the shower and run around to the local Boterham store (if you are in Amsterdam you should check this place out, get a yummy fresh made sandwich and fresh OJ and sit along the canal and eat watching the boats!) Then with boterham in hand back to the house and make a cuppa and chill for a bit. Run through another couple hours emails and orders with the sun streaming in the windows behind me, then go out for a beertje and a chat with whomever is around. Having the laptop in the house has been great as I can check emails from LA around 8pm ish and make sure all is in hand, thus saving waiting another 24hrs for an answer.

Yesterday I cycled to the Geemete to de-register in the city, I went down to where I registered and was stared at and handed a sheet. I expected nothing less as they are really rude in that office, true disgruntled civil service that are the same no matter what country you are in. So I cycled then to the town hall to hand in the forms. What a difference, big smiles, nice chat, I mentioned this to a Dutch mate last night and he was just as shocked as I, “What? a NICE person in the civil service?? How did you find her??”  LOL. So there you go .. as of 21st September I will officially no longer be a resident in AMS

How do I start to tell you how I feel about that? Hmmm…

I do love Amsterdam, even a lot of the things that bugged the hell out of me at first, I now like. Like waiting 20mins until the waitress can be bothered to acknowledge your existence when you are dying for a beer, I now carry a book or ipod and just chill. Not getting anything up to 5cent change back when you buy something, I now pay by pin or realise that its great not having a heap of 5cents in your change jar.

I really love my friends here, I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say, I mean who doesn’t like their friends? But really I have been so incredibly lucky to have met almost the most incredibly fantastic people. At least 20 of which I know I could call real true, call them in the middle of the night, persuade them to call in sick and go off traipsing somewhere, will sit with you for hours in a hospital kind of people!

I am really happy with what I’ve gotten out of my time here, I know I can go out  into the world and Create a life for myself, Create a community,  Create a professional identity in a huge corporation, Create a Home I love.  Without the back up of, oh you must be so and so’s daughter or cousin or workmate or whatever. I turned 30 here and I do think I really went from kid to adult in the 18 months I’ve been here.

In truth I think it was that change in me, the time to really assess what it is I want that has brought me to this decision. I know I can make the big decisions and I know I have the balls to make them work for me. The truth is that although I know I could stay here for years and make a life here, my life is too important to waste on a job I don’t love, that I don’t think makes anything of my talents.

All that noble stuff said, I’m CACKING myself.

I was crap at Uni the first time. I hated it; hated the place, the people, the crap weather, the lack of money, the living in some-one’s garage in Limerick!

To think that this time 3 weeks I’ll be in a classroom full of impressionable kids, with my fantastically calm and capable cousin as the teacher, FARK. Double pressure, if I screw up my whole family will know! I cant spell (as witnessed by all the wiggly red spell check lines as I look up) I am rubbish at maths, I cant say my name in Irish. I will be assisting a class of 8-12 year olds… chances are they’ll be teaching me!!

I’ve been behind a desk (allegedly) for 8 years…. 8years of half decent pay and 18 months of very decent pay. What am I doing walking away from that?? Nuts, that’s what I am.

I have (apart from a few hiccups) lived away from home from 1996 … I will be a bag lady sans abode for the next 9-12months. Part time with my mum in the midlands, part time with my gf in Dublin, and part time on the Dublin-Sligo commuter route! *groan* Looking round my lovely and incredibly empty apartment, yes I do believe I am crazy!

Still somewhere in there I do believe that I am doing the right thing….. *fingers crossed*

I have wanted to blog, I have wanted to talk to you and ask advice, but silence was needed for a while.

After 7.5 years in Media, I have handed in my notice and will return to study at the end of September.

Some might argue that walking away from a job i know back-ways with a fab paycheck in a great city in the middle of a recession, is bordering on madness…. there are times I agree. However, the “office job” was supposed to be temporary and now its day has passed.

My job is great and like I said comfortable and salaried, relatively stable and poses no great challenge.  But its not what I love, and moving to another company showed me that in dayglow colours. The vast majority of my 7 and a bit year stint was in Dublin in a place that became a second home to me, I loved the people, the job just allowed me time with them. The job here … was the same stuff, minus the family, so in essence it was a husk of the old world.

I am glad of it though, the opportunity to move to this city and make a new start for myself. Being here has been amazing. I have to say I’ve never clicked with somewhere as quickly. I adore Amsterdam. Its a fantastic place rich and diverse and in constant contradiction with itself. It is very settled in who it is yet constantly rebelling against the preconceptions of what those who throng its streets and canals think of it.

Again for me it was the people, I have met a group of people here that are outstanding. In 18 months I have met people I feel as if I have always known.  Truly I have been very very lucky.

But it was not meant to be permenant and the door has opened to a new part of my life and I’d be a fool to close it.

I applied for and was accepted to do a postgrad in Montessori method teaching for 3-12yr olds. I begin on 29th September in Dublin.

This will remain Elf-in-Amsterdam, regardless of the Elf’s coordinates on the planet, a large part of her will remain in Amsterdam.

(plus I have loads of drafted crap I have to put up here relevant to Amsterdam, that I havent finished as I wsa to busy enjoying the place)

—Turn away now if Hormones, Emotions and “girly things” make you queasy —

Wow talk about a 48 hour rollercoaster!

I have to say I’m pretty lucky when it comes to hormonal mayhem caused by good ole Auntie Flo! Mostly I’m ok, bit teary, bit meh, bit tender in the breasts…. nothing too much, and I take it in my stride *mostly*

Have to say think its only my due I calculated that I have been “fertile” for 22years, as I got my first period at 9. So I should have a hold on it by now.  They arrive on time (I only know this since I got my itouch and the period tracker app) and last 3 days… all good.

This week was NOT one of those cycles, oh it came on time, not that being “late” would hold any fear for me as the chances of falling pregnant accidentaly are non existant. But my did I land with a bang!  I’d like to thank all my lovely Twitter mates, SineadCochrane, NiamhSmith, CurlyDena, Mrs_Bopp, Distantrambler, Vickiocall, donnam13 .. even the boys, Icedcoffee, fergbyrne and the lovely EvertB tried to offer comfort and advice.

Thankfully I am aware of my cycle tendencies to know that when I hate pretty much everyone in sight, and feel the need to kick you in the head if you put a hair out of place, then something may possibly be awry! I try to be easier on myself and give myself some space and time away from everyone, for my sake and certainly for theirs.

Yesterday I thought I was losing my reason, my head was clouded in red, I just did not understand who had filled the world with the stupidest people in the world, and worse yet, WHO in the name of all things, decided to send them ALL in my direction on THAT day of all days!!

I swung from wanting to maim and injure the poor sales guy that asked me to send tapes out on an unfinished contract, to running far far far away from the sound of the trains that pass my office every 2 mins, to crying because there was no milk in the fridge. By the end of the day the only thing I was sure of, was there was no way in hell I was going back to that office the next day.  So grabbing the spare laptop I announced that for everyone’s safety I’d be working from home today.

It took me a long time to get used to my cycle, being so young when they began I was allowed all manner of special treatments. I got 3 days off school every month, and when I was angry or weepy I was just left alone, with no reprimand. It was only when I was 16 and had been getting this treatment for 7 yrs that my Mum, god bless her, told me to cop on and get over it.  I don’t mind that I became fertile so early, although I do worry if I will become infertile quicker… perhaps that’s why I’m so broody, does my body know I’m running short of time?

Which brings me to the other symptom of my cycle, other than wnating to take a machete to slow walkers on Nassau St, or headbutting colleagues for no reason, being extra sarcastic, generally weepy and craving crisps (yeuch). If Im on a bad hormonal cycle, I get EXTRA broody.

I’m pretty broody as it stands, you know this but while hormonal I am considerably beyond the norms. So of course I end up watching (and crying) at any programme about babies/children/motherhood/pregnancy. I was doing ok today, kept busy and then went for a drink with mates, came home…. and what was on iPlayer… oh yes…

Pregnancy: My Big Decision

Documentary which follows two teenage girls who are on the brink of making a big decision. Separated by age, culture and geography, but sharing the same all-consuming desire to have a baby, the girls go on a very personal journey of self discovery. But they are not going on their own – they are taking their mums and grans with them.

This documentary really called to me, from I was a teen I wanted a baby. Thankfully my eggs remained without much fertilization opportunities so it was never really a going concern. But I knew that if I was in a position to “accidentally” become pregnant it was more than likely that I would become one of those statistics.

Of the two girls, I was really intersted in Chantells story.

16-year-old Chantelle lost her virginity at 13. Having now been with her 20-year-old boyfriend for two years she is desperate for a child, but her mum Mandy and gran Maggie are against the idea. So why does Chantelle so desperately want to be a teen mum?

Before I get an farther… I’d like to ask what in the name of god is a 20 yr old doing with a 16 yr old, and more to the point when she was 14 what was he doing with her, as he was 18!  Anyhow, that aside, and it really was not addressed as an issue in the documentary it turns out that at 14 she became pregnant and opted for a termination.  A vast amount of her desire for a baby stems from her grieving from this decision. She wants to make “it all right” and I understand how she feels.

When I was a very early teen a very close person in my life had a similar decision, and went the same path as Chantelle. I still now (and did then) agree that the best decison was made, it was an unhappy ending but then I dont believe there would have been a happy ending from that story. Life returned to the way it was and everyone moved on, but 3yrs later it hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though this situation was not mine, and I did not experience it other than to be on the sidelines, I began to grieve.

I had always been broody and baby-centric but now it was worse, all of a sudden. I never really knew how to process it and many years later, in counselling for something else, I realised. I wanted a chance to “make it right” to apologise, what for I’m not sure, but I understood where the swell of broodiness came from in those teenage years.

If you have a chance watch the show, its good even if you just want to shout at the other participant, a spoiled silly 14yr old.  But Chantelle’s story, her mum’s story and her fantastic 80 yr old gran are really worth finding out about.

Fingers crossed by tomorrow good ship red menace will have done her worst to me and I can return to calmer waters and lick my wounds.

For now I leave you with this:

Click here to view the embedded video.

So lets see, what have we missed?
Well while I’ve been up to my fuzzy mop in yawn-worthy project ….. the summer has started (allegedly)

Mum visited… and we went to the Keukenhoff… photos on flickr

Tuilps from Amsterdam

We had Queens day, which despite its National Drama, and some more personally experienced drama, was a lovely time.

I went back to work and things just moved along…..

I will say that living here lends a lot of time to thinking and planning, which is in my opinion something I am glad for. Being here I have learned to really listen to what I think or feel about a situation, to depend on my own reaction and thoughts and to stand up for what I want. I always put others opinions on what I should do or how I should react as the more important. I second guessed and self doubted as if it was an Olympic sport that I was in training for.

Here; I am my own person, of my own making. I loved that when I came here first I could almost begin again, as a 30 yr old If I wanted to be decisive and confident I could be, and no one would be able to judge me on previous experiences or on past failed endeavours.

So all this thinking and inner confidence building up has produced quite the effect, to my mind anyway, and be prepared for the next few months, as the fruits of my thinking time come out and shine.

So that’s the Elf? What of Amsterdam?

Well Amsterdam is as it ever was, I’m enjoying the summer, the longer evenings and the sun on my face on my way to and from work. My *new* bike, purchased in February has proven to be the most fabulous purchase ever, I love it so much. Cycling the 19km round trip is a breeze and in hail, rain or sun (I don’t do snow) I cycle to work and everywhere besides. Actually I have gotten extremely ‘dammer about it, as was pointed out by a “newbie” who remarked that I cycled the 2min walk to my local Sunday brunch spot, and why not, isn’t it even quicker by bike!

Cycling does give me a fantastic freedom, I never wanted a car and I wasn’t pushed on learning how to drive. But once I got over the paralyzing fear last summer of the first few months, and especially since the new dream-bike, it has just really improved my life quality. Even with the crap bike, in the winter I missed cycling, I missed the exercise and the brain stimulation. So now I am *getting* to ‘dammer proficiency (I’ll never be a Shaun who whizzes kamikaze style) but I can pedal my own!

Summer is definitely in bloom with many of my friends pregnant I know 3 couples now eagerly awaiting bundles of joy and poo! Even some of my utterly wonderful gayer-boy  mates are contemplating procreating, which makes me really happy. I have to say, a nicer bunch of people you couldn’t find!

Im really looking forward to this years Pride, we have a few of the family participating in the Drag Queen Olympics and then we are going to set up camp at our vantage point early, so we can brunch and rink in the sun, and await the passing boast bedecked in carnival and nearly naked beings!

My apartment had its own dramas this spring, after one particularly bad spring storm there was a leak from the roof, which bypassed the upstairs apartment via their kitchen wall, and ended up ALL over my bed. It was so bloody annoying, although not as annoying as dealing with the agency. Quick note for anyone that is moving here, contact me regarding agencies, they charge like a mofo and do nothing to help when you need them.

So for now I will leave you, I have to say I’ve missed blogging, I may not get back to the Lenten Post a Day rhythm I had. But I will be back, as my plans and the summer unfolds I promise you now at least two posts a week!

Drinky Links and Amsterdam Cool need an airing too!

Elf!

Despite quiet week, you know the feeling, it never rains but it pours and this weekend it rained all over my bed!

Quite literally there was a tsunami-esque flood from the upstairs apartment/roof into and all over my bed.
Anyhow, I will post with photos, hopefully tomorrow.

In the meantime with the lovely lovely Darren of Culch.ie we will be liveblogging our favourite show.

Join us and bitch and moan, laugh, jeer and sulk

The Apprentice Season 4 Episode 8

will be liveblogged here and on culch.ie tonight from 8.45pm (GMT)

To join in just add a comment in the window below once the program starst and we’ll add you.

We’d love to hear your smart assed comments so come on in!

On Saturday night, just gone, Bellx1 were due to play in Paradiso. Tickets were €12.50 and sold out by the time I got my ass in gear (story of my life). I was gutted as I really wanted to see them, and I love Paradiso so it was a double whammy to me.

Only one thing for it… 6.30pm saw me standing outside Paradiso hoping to catch the eye of someone with an extra ticket. By 7.30pm I had almost given up hope, but I had noticed a handsome man walking towards me….. hmmm…. “what are you doing here” he said leaning in with a grin.

It was the lovely Xbox and after our almost/nearly/neverdid meeting in Cork Airport after the bloggies I was glad he came to say hi!  Unfortunately he didn’t have a spare ticket either so after a quick chat and a prompt to go back up to the door and ask again he was gone.  Well that was that, my resolve was made, I wasn’t going to miss a night at Bellx1 in Paradiso with one of my favourite  bloggers. Up I marched to the door again, the ticket booth was empty of punters as the gigs were all just about to start.

The conversation went a bit like this:

Me: Any chance of a ticket for Bellx1? Have there been any cancellations or sell backs?

Ticket Lady: No… sorry its totally sold out.

M: *sigh* ok, I really wanted to see them but I guess I’m out of luck.

TL: Is is just you, or are you with friends?

M: No I’m on my own, but I’m ok in the city, thanks for asking.

TL:  No I mean, do you just need one ticket?

M: Eh.. yeah… just one, just for me… I’m on my own (I’m babbling at this point)

TL:  Ok ask that man over there (points to burly doorman who previously growled at me) to come talk to me.

M: Ok… (runs to door man) Eh that lady in the ticket-box wants to speak to you

He ambles over to the ticket box and then turns on his heel and grabs me by the shoulder  I pretty much think I’m going to hit the pavement for harassment or just being weird.

He ushers me inside the door and says… “gig is upstairs, enjoy!”

Wow, I literally did a little dance in the lobby of the Paradiso, the lovely lovely ticket lady came out and said “Run its about to start” I asked her if I could pay her for the ticket and she said no, she had a guest pass and it was not going to be used so I should have it!

Anyway, I legged it up the stairs and met Xbox at the bar. I went to join his gang and we watched a great set by Bellx1.

Highlights were Bad Skin Day, Rocky Took a Lover, Eve the apple of my eye, and Ribs of a Broken umbrella. They also did Flame and Blue lights on the runway and a fair few others I cant remember now.  It was 2 hours of music and I loved every minute. Seemingly its their first sell out gig in Amsterdam, and I hope they come back soon so we can give them another sell out audience. They were excellent. I’m just annoyed I didn’t pluck up the courage earlier to ask the ticket lady (and not the doorman who growled at me) so I could have caught Duke Special’s set. They played upstairs in the small room, which is really intimate and I was feet from the stage.

Thing was, I had spent the day shopping for my nemesis… frickin wedding shoes (or just shoes to normal 30yr old women) I only wear winter boots, trainers or converse (for smart occasions) so as I’m off to a wedding at the end of the month, I needed to buy wedding shoes. More anon

But lets just say I hadn’t had time to eat all day as I was on my shopping mission impossible. I went straight to Paradiso and then gig (plus beers) From there I went out with Xbox and his lovely wife Elaine who has the most beautiful smile ever; her whole face lights up, she rocks. (not hitting on your wife Martin – promise) and their mates. Yep I was not the best for ware as I cycled home at quarter to three on Sunday morning….

My left hand, wrist, elbow, inside leg, Right wrist, knee, ankle will all attest to the fact that drunken cycling isn’t the smartest thing I’ve done. Several beers and one sharp turn too many saw the road quite literally (to me anyway) rise up to meet me from a sharp bend off the Prinsengracht, and I went from sitting on my bike to lying face down on the pavement.

Oh well… hope the bruises and scabs heal up in time for the wedding or the sophisticated look I was going for might be impaired, it might just be a bad skin day.

Ps If you havent already bought Blue Lights on the Runway please do. Its a fantastic album

Quick QueensDay Recap

My mum came over for Queens Day, which was (despite everything) great.

Despite what? you might ask, well on the night she came over there was a hit and run outside the door.
A young woman was flung off her bike by a lunatic who went on to nearly kill two others at the end of the street. My mum is not a fan of me biking around Amsterdam, in fact she hates it. And for that to happen on the night she arrived definitely didn’t help. The girl in question was conscious by the time the ambulances arrived and could move arms and legs. I was the first on the scene as I was just upstairs, and her friend happened to pick the guy’s licence plate up so hopefully they will catch him.

The next day, Queens Day, we got up and began to explore the city. The weather was amazing and the colour noise and people of the festival are second to none, it really is something worth doing. And early in the day it’s great for families and kids. Later in the day/evening it gets a lot rowdier. So we walked and ate and drank and watched from 11am-4pm by which point mum had enough. We returned to the news that someone had ploughed through a crowd watching the Dutch Royal Family, killing 5 and wounding 20 people.

I wondered at that point if she wasn’t wondering why the hell I chose to live here. But she likes the country over all and knows that where I live and the country in general is very peaceful and safe.

Apartment Living

So for the whole time mum was here the other floors of the house were empty, which was great as when the upstairs folk are home its really loud here. It really bugs me to be honest as they have no consideration and even having spoken to them a few times nicely I know that they really don’t give a crap. I mostly listen to TV/Laptop/ipod with headphones so I cant hear them. The apartment is lovely but I don’t think sound insulation from a house built in 1825 was destined to suit two guys trundling around with their mates slamming doors, shouting and jumping around and listening to dance music and tv with a 5.1 sound system. But anyway, its a pity as I lived here for 10 months with other neighbours in that apartment and they never bothered me.

So other than that it was lovely to have mum over, I enjoyed the peace in the house without the neighbours. The weather was great and it was lovely just to have time with her to talk and relax and spoil her. I really missed her when she left, its really the longest she’s been here since I moved over and I was getting used to having someone in the house to talk to.  I got a bit down when she left, and then I got back to work.

Number Nightmare

With my return to work a project that’s been on slow boil for a while suddenly came to a rolling boil, and I’ve been in work till 8pm every night. I’m happy that I’m making really good progress with it and I know I’ll be done in a couple of weeks, at least this happened in the summer. I’d hate to be stuck in my office till 8 every night in winter, it was bad enough getting to and coming from there in semi light without staying there for 10 hours.

Anyhow, I am returning to my bloggy home, and will be blogging properly again. But that said I may be a tiny bit less frequent than the post a day I was maintaining in March/April.

Thanks for hanging around.

I will reward your loyalty with probably rubbish photos of Amsterdam’s Queens Day and our trip to the Keukenhof.

Join us!!

Our “rough tough creme puff” from NY, who was going to give us “balls right now” is gone! Even she had to admit that her teams product was Pants!

Yes last week the teams had the branding and marketing challenge, oh and there were hot branding irons in the fire by the time the final three were in the boardroom. Kim sensing her time was up and Lorraine was after sticking the knife in, turned to her Brutus with a venomous look claiming “I have always championed you”, and while Philip drawled “That’s so romantic” Sir Allen gave her a one way ticket back to the big apple.

She did as many a losing apprentice and hoist her self by her own petard, claiming that this was the challenge she was here for, she took leadership of team Ignite. However, that was about as far as she took it as the team never really got going at all.

The Challenge

The challenge was to create a brand and market an new type of childrens breakfast cereal, containing one character.

Settling on the character of Pants Man, at Philips pouting behest, Kim attempted to keep the squabbling toddlers Lorraine and Philip in their respective highchairs and left the quiet kids Howard, Mona and Noorul to fend for themselves. All this babysitting meant that time was tight and in the end they didnt oversee the design of the box, but they got a bot that fit with the theme, oh yes folks, it was indeed pants!
I’d like to tell you the overarching theme of the presentation and the product itself, but it seems there wasn’t one. Mona would have you believe that the whole idea of “Wake up call” is

“Put your pants on the right way.” Not like a superhero, ‘cos he’s the only one allowed to get away with it. So basically when you eat our cereal you won’t dress up like pants man ‘cos you’re not pants man, only pants man gets away with his pants over his clothes.

Ok Mona, but ….. what’s that got to do with cereal?
The Box, only having print on the front, with no text regarding content or, well anything, was just a seamfree reminder of how Pantsman didn’t fit the brief.

On the other team, Kate heading up Empire,  set sail for success with the Parrot Pirate, Captain Squawk.  It was by no means plain sailing for Kaptain Kate as she had as shipmates Jabbering James, Dastardly Debra and Ben the Braindead and Yasmina O’Sharpface to pull into line. James had some of this weeks total clangers with “does that look parroty to you” regarding the designers excellent illustration and feeling like he had X marks the spot he came out with ‘I didn’t want something that looked like it was poisonous on the front of the box.’ to explain his concept of crossed spoons over a bowl instead of the traditional pirate skull and cross-bones.

Of course the whole thing could have sank as Kate discovered her child star had a nut allergy. However all was ok when it was explained that there was to be no eating of the cereal, phew! Ben the Braindead even managed to keep his trap shut, I guess he knew to lay low lest he be made walk the plank.

While Treasure Flakes was by no means a market slayer, it was obvious that Kate wanted everything shipshape and was taking no prisoners as the team fell into line behind her.  Even with the presentation delivered by the note reading Icemaiden Debra, the Marketing company warmed to the more cohesive plan and called it that Empire did indeed mark the spot.

You’re Fired!

Sir Allen gave the boot to Kim with the line “You remind me of final scene from wizard of oz, you look impressive but behind the curtains there’s nothing there”

I cant say I agree with him, but Kim made the fatal decision of dragging Philip and Lorraine into the boardroom, perhaps she, like I, forgot there was actually anyone else on her team, but there she hit the self destruct as Philip and Lorraine are the last two I’d try and take down with me.

Quotes of the week

Actor Kid “I’ve got a nut allergy”
Kim “I’m not a creative … I manage creativity!”
Philip “So natural you feel like you are naked”
Philip “Dance in your pants till you get in the mood”
James “Does that look parroty enough”
James “I feel like a monkey learning to use tools.”
Nick on Philip – “He thinks he’s Bono”

After Show with Adrian Chiles

A quick note on this weeks after show hosted by Adrian Chiles, Comedian Jenny Eclair from Grumpy Old Women was a panelist and came up with a brand name that probably could have usef PantsMan

Farty Breakfast Cereal… blow your mates away with fart pants cereal

She also got a laugh by telling us she once did an poster ad for Electrolux vacum cleaners with the tagline;

Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.

It seems that Lorraine is the new Love to Hate figure, being likened to a Dementor in Harry Potter, she sucks the life out of everyone…. well she certainly sucks something as you’ll read in a moment.

Gossip and Innuendo

The Romance is Revealed!

We all heard that love was in the air in the penthouse this year, and while it was looking like Majid and Philip shared a special something, it turns out that Philips real desires lay elsewhere. Philip and Kate are the loved up duo! And as everyone’s favourite red top The Sun reports, out in the real world Philip has gone to meet Kates mum! Ooo-er!

Apprentice star Philip Taylor has met his show squeeze Kate Walsh’s mum – and even she thinks he’s cocky. Loudmouth Phil, who has been dating Midlander Kate for months,  took the plunge and went to meet Sue Walsh at her home in Cannock last Sunday. But despite being on his best behaviour behaviour, the arrogant Durham estate agent, 29, didn’t exactly charm the pants off his prospective mother-in-law.

Well slap me down with a feather, Philip is just as much of a gobby twat in real life…. shock!

Sex Sells

Lorraine gets jiggy with Pantsman

Ben was right, sex does sell, and in this case another red top The News of the World,  has been selling papers to beat the band on the Lorraine Swinger Sex Scandle. Oh yes the greasy bespeckled one (I had such high hopes for her  – but alas) is a swinger no less.

Of course it didn’t happen in her native Mullingar, no by god it did not. Nor did it happen on the seedy streets of London town, no sireee….. it all swung into action in the sex clubs of Amsterdam (I have yet to find these sex clubs, there are shows but clubs?… anyway that’s another story) The tabloid reports how,

The dowdy businesswoman told how watching six naked men and women writhing in a sexual frenzy in Amsterdam’s infamous red light district changed her life forever.

It seems she even tried to “recruit” Debra and her boyfriend for a foursome, sheesh with all that hair grease on the sharp edges on Debra’s face that’s an accident waiting to happen right there! Thankfully Debra declined, and now I am spared the horrific nightmares.

And a fellow Apprentice contestant told us: “She goes on and on about what her and her bloke get up to at swingers’ clubs and in their home. Apparently he likes to watch her in action with other men. She says he’s a sex addict.”

Anyhow all this has shed new light on Lorraine, who obviously has bigger things on her mind than merely washing her lanky hair or buying a decent pair of glasses.

So tune in this week (9pm GMT) on BBC 1 to find out who Sir Alan tells

There’s a taxi driver outside already typing your address in his sat nav

Its time for Margaret to avert her eyes as I give you the crowning jewel’s that were last weeks advertising spots

Don’t forget to join us this week at the Apprentice Live Blog.

Check back here for more details as we get them!

I’m not terrifically fond of meme’s but I am very fond of Sir Rick!

Therefore:

The rules:

1) Put the link of the person who tagged you on your blog. (Up there)
2) Write the rules. (and so they are)
3) Mention 6 things or habits of no real importance about you. (see below)
4) Tag 6 persons adding their links directly. (only cause he asked)
5) Alert the persons that you tagged them. (I shall)

Things about me:

1. I dislike shoes, if I had my way I wouldn’t be bothered with them
2. I have one eye that has an astigmatism, as in its shaped like a rugby ball.
3. I have a current obsession with Rhubarb Actimel Yogurt.
4. China & Japan are top of my list of places I MUST see.
5. My utter favourite show of all time is West Wing
6. Aged 6 my left eardrum burst on my pillow, the ensuing damage and infection means I have 20% hearing in that ear and I lipread a lot now.

Ok and my nominees are: Ciara of Election fame, Paul from Flatmates, (I want to see this worked into a special edition of the comic) Grannymar, Conortje, Backpedalbrakes, Travelling but not in Love.

EDT:

Email sent to the unlucky suspects….
*dusts hands*
My job here is done

She wasn’t the hottest at the aul counting, but she goes away, not exactly smelling of Roses, but Sandalwood!
Confusing the price of Ceder and Sandal wood scents up, the team ended up spending £700 on scents alone, oh noes!!
Never fear, she got a promotion on returning to her old job, and is entering the blogosphere with a blog about her new shop “A Few of My Favorite Things” – will link as soon as I get one!
Check out this interview for more!

I have to say I was gutted that they lost, even though with the ceder wood/sandal wood mix up it was obvious they would lose.
Their product was lovely and really well presented and was something that people would buy, the other product, honey soap, was a total mess.
It was funny to see them film in Lush HQ, one of my favorite chains in the world.

So we have another week with Ben of “I got a scholarship to Sandhurst y’know” fame  – this boy really bugs the hell out of me. Especially since he boasts about something he never did anything with, so you got a scholarship, but you didn’t go!
While my disdain of  Ben grows, James admitted beginning to warm, nay beginning to love Ben, perhaps this is the start of the long feted romance in this season??
My favorite moments from last weeks ep:

James’ fear of the little crabs on the rocks as they went to find seaweed for the soap, he was dancing around like a prima ballerina! Wuss!

And Narools team accosting people coming out of the tube station to buy their squidgy honey soap, all the while wearing what looked like BioHazzard suits – uh-hu, and people will stop to talk to you wearing that??

Quotes of the Week  -

James on Kim

“She’s as dumb as a doorknob”

And Paula on Debra

“Shes like Sydney Harbor Bridge. Just when she finished putting on cream she has to start again”

“Debra’s 6ft 7 with her mouth open”

So on to this weeks fun! Its a Cereal Affair, and just to to whet your

Apprentice Appetite

The Mirror’s Headline -
Candidates viciously turn on each other over breakfast cereal character task

The Telegraphs Column by Margaret Mountford -

Philip, it turns out, has an obsession with pants– even when he’s talking about breakfast cereal….. [but its]… Poor Noorul, all dressed up in Ignite’s superhero costume, ends up sitting on a table in the garage of a suburban house waiting for the filming of their commercial to start – with his little matchstick legs swinging disconsolately underneath. Perhaps he thought the whole thing was a bit pants.

Yes we will be live blogging it (see below) in conjunction with Culch.ie

Come back just before 9pm (GMT) and have your say who is a Cereal Killer and who’s just Toast!!

(c) manuel mc

The weather these last few days has been so lovely, life here has been looking good for the coming months.

Saturday

Was a lovely day. After Keith’s party the night before, which was rather strange to stand in the same kitchen with all the boys, dressed as … well boys and not in drag as at the last party. The sun was out but there was still a nifty breeze when you were in the shade. Didn’t stop me having a lovely afternoon in one of my summer favourites, Tomaz on Begijnensteeg. Its a lovely little tapas bar that serves a slightly sparkling rose in the summer months, yum yum. Its on a tiny medieval side street off the main shopping street Kalverstraat, on the way to the amazingly peaceful Begijnhof. In fact the lane way itself was the only entrance to the Begijnhof originally, so it truly is a medieval route. And coupled with some spring sun and a nicely trashy paperback, things were good.

Sunday

Proved equally relaxing, having got my bike back and repaired good as new. I did a bit of shopping, first time in months – I have been a good girl. Went for a bracing cycle around Westerpark, hung out with friends for a lovely dinner at Burgermeester . Sunday is usually quiet for me, I like to be ready for the week ahead.

Monday

(c) ayalon

The weather got even better,  and it’s so nice to cycle home along the Weesperzijd’s riverside cafe’s. I got a good bit done at the office and left work bang on time, headed to another local watering hole, Struik on Rozengracht. I sat on the picnic benches outside with a verse munt thee (hot water, fresh mint and honey)  and chatted to some people, before continuing to chow through the aforementioned cheesy paperback. Then me and my freshly made lamacun went home to watch Great British Menu, Richard Corrigan gives me the shivers, he’s like a cooking version of GRyan! I even managed to stay up way past my bedtime to watch our Mr Mulley on Q&A

Tuesday

Can we spell pre-monstral! Oh yes as the wonderful Xbox might say the Red Menace is nigh. And I am having a tearful day. Please, for those that don’t understand this concept, the ladies lucky enough to not get teary pre the monster, and for boys reading that are not gagging right now. I am NOT actually upset, nor am I down or depressed. I will just cry at the drop of a hat, nothing alarming about that, is there? Things that make me cry right now are homeless kids, upset kids,  cute kids, babies,  – yes I see a theme too – and thinking of my Gran, Uncle or Cousin who have passed on.

Today listening to Phantom, I zoned out from what I was doing to hear, or should I say listen to, as I had heard it a million times, a Road Safety ad. James’s dad spoke of how James lost his life when he was walking home in the dark from a debs and was struck by an articulated lorry.  Tears quietly escaped while his fathers voice haltingly said “Oddly I miss him most on fine sunny days when I think he should be alive and out enjoying himself” and “if only he had worn a visibility jacket that night”

Click here to view the embedded video.

Anyhow, the day went on and I came home, read more of my book (nearly finished it) and made a yummy salad, it really is yummy and I will put the recipe, thrown together as it was, up here soon. I sat down for another installment of Great British Menu. I’m willing the only woman, Clare Smyth,  amongst this years contenders to get through the heats. Afterwards the second an possibly the most bizarre reason to shed a tear snuck up on me.

Yep I cried at Snooker!    Snooker??     … Yeah Snooker.

Hurricaine Higgins

I promise I have not lost it, well no more than usual.

My Gran was a snooker nut, and stayed up till 3am to watch all the greats, during my childhood it seemed as though Snooker was on all year, and certainly every time I went to my gran’s. My grandad used to watch it on a black and white tv in his bedroom right up until he died. Snooker watching on a black and white with a snowy reception is a passion of its own. But the quiet sound of the commentators and the smack of the cue on white will always make me think of Gran. The clincher for me tonight was Steve Davis’s return to the Crucible!! Gosh I remember how much she didn’t like him, and how bored I was listening to her as a kid. I know she’d have loved to watch him get his ass whopped.  Alex Higgins was my nan’s toyboy, she even called the budgie after him.

Continuing with the Live Blogging in tandem with Culch.ie, tonight you can join in the commentary.

Debra Barr

Lets face it, car crash tv is pointless without others to rubberneck with you!

So lets recap,
Culch.ie Darren summarized Ep 3 nicely here
We were in almost universal hatred of James, but for what its worth I dislike Debra more!

If you want to vote on who you think should go.. try here

LoLo Ball

Last week we lost Majid Nagra, you can read his interview here on the Telegraph Apprentice Blog.

The task being  to develop a new home fitness product. The rules were simply that it had to be portable, retail at £30 and be designed, built and marketed in just two days. The winning design was the Body Rocker (working title “bum ball”), which provides a new way to work the abs, and trim stomach fat.

While I agree the product created by Team Empire, was utterly rubbish, I thought the Body Rocker by Team Ignite looked like a cross between a potty and the 80’s toy Lolo Ball

There was a showdown in the boardroom between Jabbering James and Bighead Ben… but poor Mousy Majid got it in the neck and Sir Allen pronounced him Fired!

This week is one of Margret’s favorite tasks, (you don’t believe me? read it here) The Beauty Product Launch.

the candidates have to come up with ideas for two different body care products, make them in a specialist laboratory on the south coast and sell them to consumers in London the following day. They’re also responsible for designing the packaging. So they’re under extreme time pressure, and they need to use a variety of skills. And, as always, they need to remember the lessons of the previous weeks..

James & Debra in a boat, who walks the plank?

Sir Allen picks the leaders!
There’s more dressing up – remember the Togas!,
Whats on the shopping list?
Honey Soap and Seaweed Bathfoam!

So tune in and blog with us, to get all the gossip on who we’ll be stuck with and who we’ll wave goodbye to.

To join, come back here before 9pm GMT and click into the box below.

If you are really eager, and we all love the eager folk email me (elf(@)elfinamsterdam(.)com – remove brackets) or DM me and I’ll add you to the panelists!

My street approaching dawn

I’ve been meaning for a while to do a proper, “now I’m here a year post” but I’ve been putting it off for many reasons.

Some are obvious, busy, traveling, work… all that jazz, and some are less obvious, or maybe just harder to face and put in writing.

I moved here in a bit of a whirlwind to be honest,  I am a bit of a procrastinator, I like my rut, and am happy with the known. I’m certainly not a risk-taker. So when the job was offered, I said yes mostly as I had this “now or never” feeling, either I got off my ass and tried living, and earning my living (not just staying with family or studying) in another country, or I just shut up about it, stayed put and struck it off the list without trying.

I knew in my heart that if I was to sit and think to deeply about moving or its implications that I would find a million reasons not to do it, some real and some exaggerated. But they would build a wall in my head I wouldn’t be inclined to cross, so in all honesty, apart from consulting  the main players in my life and doing a few quick financial calculations, I really didn’t put a lot of thought into it.

Signs were, to be honest, when I think back on the first few weeks here I hardly remember them at all. I managed to source my lovely apartment on the internet before moving over, and a great friend of Catriona’s went to have a look at it for me, as she worked at the end of the street, and declared it reasonably sound. Like many of my decisions around this move it was snap and based mostly on whimsy. I loved the lamp in the sitting room and the colour of the wall in the kitchen. Having no photos of the bedroom or bathroom I was glad to be reassured by Prina that both did indeed exist.

I arrived on Easter Saturday morning in snow, as you do, to begin work on the Tuesday after Easter, with @fontfiddler leaving on the Thursday. Having never even come to Amsterdam on so much as a weekend break before, this was uncharted territory, but it was Europe not Outer Mongolia so I reassured myself with that and moved along.

Canalside Terasse of my fave Cafe & Eethuis

More internetting found various meetup and expat groups. With the summer starting to appear people were eager to shake off the winter indoors, and meet on terasses for beers and laughs. By May I had made a pretty neat core group of friends, most of whom I still count as good friends.

Mates from home and family came to stay, we had Queens Day and Canal Pride, and I was enjoying the freedom of beginning again, and the random beauty of the city.

Weekly trips to Nordmarket and my local bar(s) Cafe Chris, In de Wildeman and Cafe de Nieuwe Lelie. Along with meals in low maintenance eetcafe’s were fun and often wound well into the night. My core group of friends cemented and some new ones came along, it was getting to the stage where we all knew what the others were about and it was comfortable and fun. Not like at the beginning where it seemed like an interminable series of “first dates”, with the same questions, How long are you here?, What do you do?, Where do you work?. By July we all knew each other and it seemed as if I had always lived here in a funny way.

Work was ok, I knew taking on the job the projects would be varied, large and a bit tedious. Also that I would for the most part be working totally alone. I was finding that hard, having come from a close knit group in my last company with a real sense of family more than team. Early on I declared myself far more “work-sick” than “home-sick”, I think that is something that will remain with me, and some days it gets me down.

Being away from my family and friends, and especially @fontfiddler was the bit that I tried very hard not to think about. I called everyday and went home pretty much every 4/5 weeks. But I was missing seeing my nephew and having @fontfiddler there in the evening when I came home.

Our Hotel from Central Park

On the whole I find living here to be not much different to living in Dublin.  Amsterdam is small and easily navigated. The people are friendly, they all, much to my dismay speak brilliant English, so its easy to chat to people, if you are happy not to practice your Dutch  Service is woeful in most places, they are a bit blunt and pretty much all think they are right all the time.  I know these are generalizations, but they are the same generalizations many of my expat mates have come to, so I can be shot with the majority.

Throughout the Autumn, I was mostly looking forward to going to NYC with @fontfiddler in October, which was amazing and one of the real highlights of not just this year but many a year.

I had heard the Winter in Amsterdam was depressing, but mostly from Americans, so I thought, well perhaps they are just not used to it. I’ll be fine, after an Irish winter, after many winters as as student in Limerick, how hard can a winter here be?

Yeah it was pretty miserable.

Cycling was out for me as being honest, street lighting isn’t great here, especially along the canals, and fog is all prevailing. There is a constant dampness, that despite being Irish, was really tough, and when it rained …. yeah… lots. This winter was (as for everyone in Europe) a tough one. The nights seemed never ending, and no one wanted to meet up during the week, so it was Monday to Friday bed-work-home and repeat…

With the talk of recession and lack of prospects at home, and the never ending winter, I really found that isolation was creeping up. I’m glad to say that the spring has finally sprung, and things are on the move. While I may be here for another 12-18 months things will change over the next few and I hope that next winter will be easier.

All this said, I do like it here. I think winter ‘08 took a lot out of me and it was hard for a while to see the wood for the trees.  The truths being, that I miss having my family nearby, I miss having  lots going on around me at work,  I miss my old work friends a lot, have not changed. I think this experiment has proven that I can live away and be relatively successful with it, but that there is no shame in saying that I like living in Ireland. For all its flaws.

Amsterdam is a great city to be in right now, and with open arms I welcome any bloggers or blog readers to come visit.

I am very proud of my foster city, and currently loving my return to biking after the winter. So don your cycling legs and put your beer drinking head on and come visit!

Beertje en Bitterballen!