Despite quiet week, you know the feeling, it never rains but it pours and this weekend it rained all over my bed!

Quite literally there was a tsunami-esque flood from the upstairs apartment/roof into and all over my bed.
Anyhow, I will post with photos, hopefully tomorrow.

In the meantime with the lovely lovely Darren of Culch.ie we will be liveblogging our favourite show.

Join us and bitch and moan, laugh, jeer and sulk

The Apprentice Season 4 Episode 8

will be liveblogged here and on culch.ie tonight from 8.45pm (GMT)

To join in just add a comment in the window below once the program starst and we’ll add you.

We’d love to hear your smart assed comments so come on in!

Our “rough tough creme puff” from NY, who was going to give us “balls right now” is gone! Even she had to admit that her teams product was Pants!

Yes last week the teams had the branding and marketing challenge, oh and there were hot branding irons in the fire by the time the final three were in the boardroom. Kim sensing her time was up and Lorraine was after sticking the knife in, turned to her Brutus with a venomous look claiming “I have always championed you”, and while Philip drawled “That’s so romantic” Sir Allen gave her a one way ticket back to the big apple.

She did as many a losing apprentice and hoist her self by her own petard, claiming that this was the challenge she was here for, she took leadership of team Ignite. However, that was about as far as she took it as the team never really got going at all.

The Challenge

The challenge was to create a brand and market an new type of childrens breakfast cereal, containing one character.

Settling on the character of Pants Man, at Philips pouting behest, Kim attempted to keep the squabbling toddlers Lorraine and Philip in their respective highchairs and left the quiet kids Howard, Mona and Noorul to fend for themselves. All this babysitting meant that time was tight and in the end they didnt oversee the design of the box, but they got a bot that fit with the theme, oh yes folks, it was indeed pants!
I’d like to tell you the overarching theme of the presentation and the product itself, but it seems there wasn’t one. Mona would have you believe that the whole idea of “Wake up call” is

“Put your pants on the right way.” Not like a superhero, ‘cos he’s the only one allowed to get away with it. So basically when you eat our cereal you won’t dress up like pants man ‘cos you’re not pants man, only pants man gets away with his pants over his clothes.

Ok Mona, but ….. what’s that got to do with cereal?
The Box, only having print on the front, with no text regarding content or, well anything, was just a seamfree reminder of how Pantsman didn’t fit the brief.

On the other team, Kate heading up Empire,  set sail for success with the Parrot Pirate, Captain Squawk.  It was by no means plain sailing for Kaptain Kate as she had as shipmates Jabbering James, Dastardly Debra and Ben the Braindead and Yasmina O’Sharpface to pull into line. James had some of this weeks total clangers with “does that look parroty to you” regarding the designers excellent illustration and feeling like he had X marks the spot he came out with ‘I didn’t want something that looked like it was poisonous on the front of the box.’ to explain his concept of crossed spoons over a bowl instead of the traditional pirate skull and cross-bones.

Of course the whole thing could have sank as Kate discovered her child star had a nut allergy. However all was ok when it was explained that there was to be no eating of the cereal, phew! Ben the Braindead even managed to keep his trap shut, I guess he knew to lay low lest he be made walk the plank.

While Treasure Flakes was by no means a market slayer, it was obvious that Kate wanted everything shipshape and was taking no prisoners as the team fell into line behind her.  Even with the presentation delivered by the note reading Icemaiden Debra, the Marketing company warmed to the more cohesive plan and called it that Empire did indeed mark the spot.

You’re Fired!

Sir Allen gave the boot to Kim with the line “You remind me of final scene from wizard of oz, you look impressive but behind the curtains there’s nothing there”

I cant say I agree with him, but Kim made the fatal decision of dragging Philip and Lorraine into the boardroom, perhaps she, like I, forgot there was actually anyone else on her team, but there she hit the self destruct as Philip and Lorraine are the last two I’d try and take down with me.

Quotes of the week

Actor Kid “I’ve got a nut allergy”
Kim “I’m not a creative … I manage creativity!”
Philip “So natural you feel like you are naked”
Philip “Dance in your pants till you get in the mood”
James “Does that look parroty enough”
James “I feel like a monkey learning to use tools.”
Nick on Philip – “He thinks he’s Bono”

After Show with Adrian Chiles

A quick note on this weeks after show hosted by Adrian Chiles, Comedian Jenny Eclair from Grumpy Old Women was a panelist and came up with a brand name that probably could have usef PantsMan

Farty Breakfast Cereal… blow your mates away with fart pants cereal

She also got a laugh by telling us she once did an poster ad for Electrolux vacum cleaners with the tagline;

Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.

It seems that Lorraine is the new Love to Hate figure, being likened to a Dementor in Harry Potter, she sucks the life out of everyone…. well she certainly sucks something as you’ll read in a moment.

Gossip and Innuendo

The Romance is Revealed!

We all heard that love was in the air in the penthouse this year, and while it was looking like Majid and Philip shared a special something, it turns out that Philips real desires lay elsewhere. Philip and Kate are the loved up duo! And as everyone’s favourite red top The Sun reports, out in the real world Philip has gone to meet Kates mum! Ooo-er!

Apprentice star Philip Taylor has met his show squeeze Kate Walsh’s mum – and even she thinks he’s cocky. Loudmouth Phil, who has been dating Midlander Kate for months,  took the plunge and went to meet Sue Walsh at her home in Cannock last Sunday. But despite being on his best behaviour behaviour, the arrogant Durham estate agent, 29, didn’t exactly charm the pants off his prospective mother-in-law.

Well slap me down with a feather, Philip is just as much of a gobby twat in real life…. shock!

Sex Sells

Lorraine gets jiggy with Pantsman

Ben was right, sex does sell, and in this case another red top The News of the World,  has been selling papers to beat the band on the Lorraine Swinger Sex Scandle. Oh yes the greasy bespeckled one (I had such high hopes for her  – but alas) is a swinger no less.

Of course it didn’t happen in her native Mullingar, no by god it did not. Nor did it happen on the seedy streets of London town, no sireee….. it all swung into action in the sex clubs of Amsterdam (I have yet to find these sex clubs, there are shows but clubs?… anyway that’s another story) The tabloid reports how,

The dowdy businesswoman told how watching six naked men and women writhing in a sexual frenzy in Amsterdam’s infamous red light district changed her life forever.

It seems she even tried to “recruit” Debra and her boyfriend for a foursome, sheesh with all that hair grease on the sharp edges on Debra’s face that’s an accident waiting to happen right there! Thankfully Debra declined, and now I am spared the horrific nightmares.

And a fellow Apprentice contestant told us: “She goes on and on about what her and her bloke get up to at swingers’ clubs and in their home. Apparently he likes to watch her in action with other men. She says he’s a sex addict.”

Anyhow all this has shed new light on Lorraine, who obviously has bigger things on her mind than merely washing her lanky hair or buying a decent pair of glasses.

So tune in this week (9pm GMT) on BBC 1 to find out who Sir Alan tells

There’s a taxi driver outside already typing your address in his sat nav

Its time for Margaret to avert her eyes as I give you the crowning jewel’s that were last weeks advertising spots

Don’t forget to join us this week at the Apprentice Live Blog.

Check back here for more details as we get them!

She wasn’t the hottest at the aul counting, but she goes away, not exactly smelling of Roses, but Sandalwood!
Confusing the price of Ceder and Sandal wood scents up, the team ended up spending £700 on scents alone, oh noes!!
Never fear, she got a promotion on returning to her old job, and is entering the blogosphere with a blog about her new shop “A Few of My Favorite Things” – will link as soon as I get one!
Check out this interview for more!

I have to say I was gutted that they lost, even though with the ceder wood/sandal wood mix up it was obvious they would lose.
Their product was lovely and really well presented and was something that people would buy, the other product, honey soap, was a total mess.
It was funny to see them film in Lush HQ, one of my favorite chains in the world.

So we have another week with Ben of “I got a scholarship to Sandhurst y’know” fame  – this boy really bugs the hell out of me. Especially since he boasts about something he never did anything with, so you got a scholarship, but you didn’t go!
While my disdain of  Ben grows, James admitted beginning to warm, nay beginning to love Ben, perhaps this is the start of the long feted romance in this season??
My favorite moments from last weeks ep:

James’ fear of the little crabs on the rocks as they went to find seaweed for the soap, he was dancing around like a prima ballerina! Wuss!

And Narools team accosting people coming out of the tube station to buy their squidgy honey soap, all the while wearing what looked like BioHazzard suits – uh-hu, and people will stop to talk to you wearing that??

Quotes of the Week  -

James on Kim

“She’s as dumb as a doorknob”

And Paula on Debra

“Shes like Sydney Harbor Bridge. Just when she finished putting on cream she has to start again”

“Debra’s 6ft 7 with her mouth open”

So on to this weeks fun! Its a Cereal Affair, and just to to whet your

Apprentice Appetite

The Mirror’s Headline -
Candidates viciously turn on each other over breakfast cereal character task

The Telegraphs Column by Margaret Mountford -

Philip, it turns out, has an obsession with pants– even when he’s talking about breakfast cereal….. [but its]… Poor Noorul, all dressed up in Ignite’s superhero costume, ends up sitting on a table in the garage of a suburban house waiting for the filming of their commercial to start – with his little matchstick legs swinging disconsolately underneath. Perhaps he thought the whole thing was a bit pants.

Yes we will be live blogging it (see below) in conjunction with Culch.ie

Come back just before 9pm (GMT) and have your say who is a Cereal Killer and who’s just Toast!!

Continuing with the Live Blogging in tandem with Culch.ie, tonight you can join in the commentary.

Debra Barr

Lets face it, car crash tv is pointless without others to rubberneck with you!

So lets recap,
Culch.ie Darren summarized Ep 3 nicely here
We were in almost universal hatred of James, but for what its worth I dislike Debra more!

If you want to vote on who you think should go.. try here

LoLo Ball

Last week we lost Majid Nagra, you can read his interview here on the Telegraph Apprentice Blog.

The task being  to develop a new home fitness product. The rules were simply that it had to be portable, retail at £30 and be designed, built and marketed in just two days. The winning design was the Body Rocker (working title “bum ball”), which provides a new way to work the abs, and trim stomach fat.

While I agree the product created by Team Empire, was utterly rubbish, I thought the Body Rocker by Team Ignite looked like a cross between a potty and the 80’s toy Lolo Ball

There was a showdown in the boardroom between Jabbering James and Bighead Ben… but poor Mousy Majid got it in the neck and Sir Allen pronounced him Fired!

This week is one of Margret’s favorite tasks, (you don’t believe me? read it here) The Beauty Product Launch.

the candidates have to come up with ideas for two different body care products, make them in a specialist laboratory on the south coast and sell them to consumers in London the following day. They’re also responsible for designing the packaging. So they’re under extreme time pressure, and they need to use a variety of skills. And, as always, they need to remember the lessons of the previous weeks..

James & Debra in a boat, who walks the plank?

Sir Allen picks the leaders!
There’s more dressing up – remember the Togas!,
Whats on the shopping list?
Honey Soap and Seaweed Bathfoam!

So tune in and blog with us, to get all the gossip on who we’ll be stuck with and who we’ll wave goodbye to.

To join, come back here before 9pm GMT and click into the box below.

If you are really eager, and we all love the eager folk email me (elf(@)elfinamsterdam(.)com – remove brackets) or DM me and I’ll add you to the panelists!

Come along and join myself and the good folk at culch.ie,
Have your say on who should stay and who should go!

But I was brought nicely up to speed on the goings on in my own home town, Mullingar by my Twitter buddy @KeithNolan, who I have since dubbed my ‘Gar-espondant

I have learned 3 things.

One:

The Topic is online  – hopefully now they have stopped killing trees printing it.

Westmeath really does not have enough news for more than one paper and the Westmeath Examiner is marginally “better”

Two:

Christy Mae (Left)

Irelands first Disco DJ hailed from Mullingar, and is about to make a comeback *for one night only*

POPULAR Mullingar business man Christy Maye, the first person in Ireland to run a discotheque,  began his business career as a DJ with his Disc-a-Go-Go while still a student nurse in St. Loman’s Hospital, Mullingar……..

Christy Maye had to completely build a sound system and lighting display. “I had to find a way to cushion the turntables, and used a spring from a car seat, and foam, and other padding, so that we could get the sound and volume.  We separated the bass sounds and got the hi-fi effect, and we improvised in various ways to get the lighting effects”

Perhaps I’m being cruel but…. *cringe*

Three:

A Mullingar woman will be appearing in tonight’s Apprentice on BBC 1 at 9/10pm GMT/CET the Westmeath Examiner reports.

Lorraine Tighe

Lorraine Tighe the Examiner claims “although she grew up in Westmeath,  she was born in London. When she was six, her parents, Rathowen-born James Tighe, and his Streete-born wife, Loretto (nee Coffey) (now living in Petitswood), moved back to Ireland, and Lorraine attended Rathowen N.S., before going on to attend the Loreto College in Mullingar“

I have to say I love this quote about her business aim:

“to be able to drive a dead horse to the winning line”.

So I wish her luck, she left my hellish Alma Mater at 16, and I would have done the same given half a chance. She seems to have done good and hopefully she’ll go on to make a big success, she’s already a great role model for her two young daughters.

Best of Luck Lorraine.