Here I am, in my sunny apartment waiting on the movers.

The last few weeks have flown by, with guests, and packing and meeting friends.

Last night, some of my lovely gayboy friends came by to help me carry the 10 boxes down to the first floor.  As both of my colleagues are away on holidays, one in Japan and one in Africa, I’ve been working from home all week. Which has been ace, actually.

I can get up and work in PJ’s from 9-12.30, then jump in the shower and run around to the local Boterham store (if you are in Amsterdam you should check this place out, get a yummy fresh made sandwich and fresh OJ and sit along the canal and eat watching the boats!) Then with boterham in hand back to the house and make a cuppa and chill for a bit. Run through another couple hours emails and orders with the sun streaming in the windows behind me, then go out for a beertje and a chat with whomever is around. Having the laptop in the house has been great as I can check emails from LA around 8pm ish and make sure all is in hand, thus saving waiting another 24hrs for an answer.

Yesterday I cycled to the Geemete to de-register in the city, I went down to where I registered and was stared at and handed a sheet. I expected nothing less as they are really rude in that office, true disgruntled civil service that are the same no matter what country you are in. So I cycled then to the town hall to hand in the forms. What a difference, big smiles, nice chat, I mentioned this to a Dutch mate last night and he was just as shocked as I, “What? a NICE person in the civil service?? How did you find her??”  LOL. So there you go .. as of 21st September I will officially no longer be a resident in AMS

How do I start to tell you how I feel about that? Hmmm…

I do love Amsterdam, even a lot of the things that bugged the hell out of me at first, I now like. Like waiting 20mins until the waitress can be bothered to acknowledge your existence when you are dying for a beer, I now carry a book or ipod and just chill. Not getting anything up to 5cent change back when you buy something, I now pay by pin or realise that its great not having a heap of 5cents in your change jar.

I really love my friends here, I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say, I mean who doesn’t like their friends? But really I have been so incredibly lucky to have met almost the most incredibly fantastic people. At least 20 of which I know I could call real true, call them in the middle of the night, persuade them to call in sick and go off traipsing somewhere, will sit with you for hours in a hospital kind of people!

I am really happy with what I’ve gotten out of my time here, I know I can go out  into the world and Create a life for myself, Create a community,  Create a professional identity in a huge corporation, Create a Home I love.  Without the back up of, oh you must be so and so’s daughter or cousin or workmate or whatever. I turned 30 here and I do think I really went from kid to adult in the 18 months I’ve been here.

In truth I think it was that change in me, the time to really assess what it is I want that has brought me to this decision. I know I can make the big decisions and I know I have the balls to make them work for me. The truth is that although I know I could stay here for years and make a life here, my life is too important to waste on a job I don’t love, that I don’t think makes anything of my talents.

All that noble stuff said, I’m CACKING myself.

I was crap at Uni the first time. I hated it; hated the place, the people, the crap weather, the lack of money, the living in some-one’s garage in Limerick!

To think that this time 3 weeks I’ll be in a classroom full of impressionable kids, with my fantastically calm and capable cousin as the teacher, FARK. Double pressure, if I screw up my whole family will know! I cant spell (as witnessed by all the wiggly red spell check lines as I look up) I am rubbish at maths, I cant say my name in Irish. I will be assisting a class of 8-12 year olds… chances are they’ll be teaching me!!

I’ve been behind a desk (allegedly) for 8 years…. 8years of half decent pay and 18 months of very decent pay. What am I doing walking away from that?? Nuts, that’s what I am.

I have (apart from a few hiccups) lived away from home from 1996 … I will be a bag lady sans abode for the next 9-12months. Part time with my mum in the midlands, part time with my gf in Dublin, and part time on the Dublin-Sligo commuter route! *groan* Looking round my lovely and incredibly empty apartment, yes I do believe I am crazy!

Still somewhere in there I do believe that I am doing the right thing….. *fingers crossed*

So lets see, what have we missed?
Well while I’ve been up to my fuzzy mop in yawn-worthy project ….. the summer has started (allegedly)

Mum visited… and we went to the Keukenhoff… photos on flickr

Tuilps from Amsterdam

We had Queens day, which despite its National Drama, and some more personally experienced drama, was a lovely time.

I went back to work and things just moved along…..

I will say that living here lends a lot of time to thinking and planning, which is in my opinion something I am glad for. Being here I have learned to really listen to what I think or feel about a situation, to depend on my own reaction and thoughts and to stand up for what I want. I always put others opinions on what I should do or how I should react as the more important. I second guessed and self doubted as if it was an Olympic sport that I was in training for.

Here; I am my own person, of my own making. I loved that when I came here first I could almost begin again, as a 30 yr old If I wanted to be decisive and confident I could be, and no one would be able to judge me on previous experiences or on past failed endeavours.

So all this thinking and inner confidence building up has produced quite the effect, to my mind anyway, and be prepared for the next few months, as the fruits of my thinking time come out and shine.

So that’s the Elf? What of Amsterdam?

Well Amsterdam is as it ever was, I’m enjoying the summer, the longer evenings and the sun on my face on my way to and from work. My *new* bike, purchased in February has proven to be the most fabulous purchase ever, I love it so much. Cycling the 19km round trip is a breeze and in hail, rain or sun (I don’t do snow) I cycle to work and everywhere besides. Actually I have gotten extremely ‘dammer about it, as was pointed out by a “newbie” who remarked that I cycled the 2min walk to my local Sunday brunch spot, and why not, isn’t it even quicker by bike!

Cycling does give me a fantastic freedom, I never wanted a car and I wasn’t pushed on learning how to drive. But once I got over the paralyzing fear last summer of the first few months, and especially since the new dream-bike, it has just really improved my life quality. Even with the crap bike, in the winter I missed cycling, I missed the exercise and the brain stimulation. So now I am *getting* to ‘dammer proficiency (I’ll never be a Shaun who whizzes kamikaze style) but I can pedal my own!

Summer is definitely in bloom with many of my friends pregnant I know 3 couples now eagerly awaiting bundles of joy and poo! Even some of my utterly wonderful gayer-boy  mates are contemplating procreating, which makes me really happy. I have to say, a nicer bunch of people you couldn’t find!

Im really looking forward to this years Pride, we have a few of the family participating in the Drag Queen Olympics and then we are going to set up camp at our vantage point early, so we can brunch and rink in the sun, and await the passing boast bedecked in carnival and nearly naked beings!

My apartment had its own dramas this spring, after one particularly bad spring storm there was a leak from the roof, which bypassed the upstairs apartment via their kitchen wall, and ended up ALL over my bed. It was so bloody annoying, although not as annoying as dealing with the agency. Quick note for anyone that is moving here, contact me regarding agencies, they charge like a mofo and do nothing to help when you need them.

So for now I will leave you, I have to say I’ve missed blogging, I may not get back to the Lenten Post a Day rhythm I had. But I will be back, as my plans and the summer unfolds I promise you now at least two posts a week!

Drinky Links and Amsterdam Cool need an airing too!

Elf!

Quick QueensDay Recap

My mum came over for Queens Day, which was (despite everything) great.

Despite what? you might ask, well on the night she came over there was a hit and run outside the door.
A young woman was flung off her bike by a lunatic who went on to nearly kill two others at the end of the street. My mum is not a fan of me biking around Amsterdam, in fact she hates it. And for that to happen on the night she arrived definitely didn’t help. The girl in question was conscious by the time the ambulances arrived and could move arms and legs. I was the first on the scene as I was just upstairs, and her friend happened to pick the guy’s licence plate up so hopefully they will catch him.

The next day, Queens Day, we got up and began to explore the city. The weather was amazing and the colour noise and people of the festival are second to none, it really is something worth doing. And early in the day it’s great for families and kids. Later in the day/evening it gets a lot rowdier. So we walked and ate and drank and watched from 11am-4pm by which point mum had enough. We returned to the news that someone had ploughed through a crowd watching the Dutch Royal Family, killing 5 and wounding 20 people.

I wondered at that point if she wasn’t wondering why the hell I chose to live here. But she likes the country over all and knows that where I live and the country in general is very peaceful and safe.

Apartment Living

So for the whole time mum was here the other floors of the house were empty, which was great as when the upstairs folk are home its really loud here. It really bugs me to be honest as they have no consideration and even having spoken to them a few times nicely I know that they really don’t give a crap. I mostly listen to TV/Laptop/ipod with headphones so I cant hear them. The apartment is lovely but I don’t think sound insulation from a house built in 1825 was destined to suit two guys trundling around with their mates slamming doors, shouting and jumping around and listening to dance music and tv with a 5.1 sound system. But anyway, its a pity as I lived here for 10 months with other neighbours in that apartment and they never bothered me.

So other than that it was lovely to have mum over, I enjoyed the peace in the house without the neighbours. The weather was great and it was lovely just to have time with her to talk and relax and spoil her. I really missed her when she left, its really the longest she’s been here since I moved over and I was getting used to having someone in the house to talk to.  I got a bit down when she left, and then I got back to work.

Number Nightmare

With my return to work a project that’s been on slow boil for a while suddenly came to a rolling boil, and I’ve been in work till 8pm every night. I’m happy that I’m making really good progress with it and I know I’ll be done in a couple of weeks, at least this happened in the summer. I’d hate to be stuck in my office till 8 every night in winter, it was bad enough getting to and coming from there in semi light without staying there for 10 hours.

Anyhow, I am returning to my bloggy home, and will be blogging properly again. But that said I may be a tiny bit less frequent than the post a day I was maintaining in March/April.

Thanks for hanging around.

I will reward your loyalty with probably rubbish photos of Amsterdam’s Queens Day and our trip to the Keukenhof.

My street approaching dawn

I’ve been meaning for a while to do a proper, “now I’m here a year post” but I’ve been putting it off for many reasons.

Some are obvious, busy, traveling, work… all that jazz, and some are less obvious, or maybe just harder to face and put in writing.

I moved here in a bit of a whirlwind to be honest,  I am a bit of a procrastinator, I like my rut, and am happy with the known. I’m certainly not a risk-taker. So when the job was offered, I said yes mostly as I had this “now or never” feeling, either I got off my ass and tried living, and earning my living (not just staying with family or studying) in another country, or I just shut up about it, stayed put and struck it off the list without trying.

I knew in my heart that if I was to sit and think to deeply about moving or its implications that I would find a million reasons not to do it, some real and some exaggerated. But they would build a wall in my head I wouldn’t be inclined to cross, so in all honesty, apart from consulting  the main players in my life and doing a few quick financial calculations, I really didn’t put a lot of thought into it.

Signs were, to be honest, when I think back on the first few weeks here I hardly remember them at all. I managed to source my lovely apartment on the internet before moving over, and a great friend of Catriona’s went to have a look at it for me, as she worked at the end of the street, and declared it reasonably sound. Like many of my decisions around this move it was snap and based mostly on whimsy. I loved the lamp in the sitting room and the colour of the wall in the kitchen. Having no photos of the bedroom or bathroom I was glad to be reassured by Prina that both did indeed exist.

I arrived on Easter Saturday morning in snow, as you do, to begin work on the Tuesday after Easter, with @fontfiddler leaving on the Thursday. Having never even come to Amsterdam on so much as a weekend break before, this was uncharted territory, but it was Europe not Outer Mongolia so I reassured myself with that and moved along.

Canalside Terasse of my fave Cafe & Eethuis

More internetting found various meetup and expat groups. With the summer starting to appear people were eager to shake off the winter indoors, and meet on terasses for beers and laughs. By May I had made a pretty neat core group of friends, most of whom I still count as good friends.

Mates from home and family came to stay, we had Queens Day and Canal Pride, and I was enjoying the freedom of beginning again, and the random beauty of the city.

Weekly trips to Nordmarket and my local bar(s) Cafe Chris, In de Wildeman and Cafe de Nieuwe Lelie. Along with meals in low maintenance eetcafe’s were fun and often wound well into the night. My core group of friends cemented and some new ones came along, it was getting to the stage where we all knew what the others were about and it was comfortable and fun. Not like at the beginning where it seemed like an interminable series of “first dates”, with the same questions, How long are you here?, What do you do?, Where do you work?. By July we all knew each other and it seemed as if I had always lived here in a funny way.

Work was ok, I knew taking on the job the projects would be varied, large and a bit tedious. Also that I would for the most part be working totally alone. I was finding that hard, having come from a close knit group in my last company with a real sense of family more than team. Early on I declared myself far more “work-sick” than “home-sick”, I think that is something that will remain with me, and some days it gets me down.

Being away from my family and friends, and especially @fontfiddler was the bit that I tried very hard not to think about. I called everyday and went home pretty much every 4/5 weeks. But I was missing seeing my nephew and having @fontfiddler there in the evening when I came home.

Our Hotel from Central Park

On the whole I find living here to be not much different to living in Dublin.  Amsterdam is small and easily navigated. The people are friendly, they all, much to my dismay speak brilliant English, so its easy to chat to people, if you are happy not to practice your Dutch  Service is woeful in most places, they are a bit blunt and pretty much all think they are right all the time.  I know these are generalizations, but they are the same generalizations many of my expat mates have come to, so I can be shot with the majority.

Throughout the Autumn, I was mostly looking forward to going to NYC with @fontfiddler in October, which was amazing and one of the real highlights of not just this year but many a year.

I had heard the Winter in Amsterdam was depressing, but mostly from Americans, so I thought, well perhaps they are just not used to it. I’ll be fine, after an Irish winter, after many winters as as student in Limerick, how hard can a winter here be?

Yeah it was pretty miserable.

Cycling was out for me as being honest, street lighting isn’t great here, especially along the canals, and fog is all prevailing. There is a constant dampness, that despite being Irish, was really tough, and when it rained …. yeah… lots. This winter was (as for everyone in Europe) a tough one. The nights seemed never ending, and no one wanted to meet up during the week, so it was Monday to Friday bed-work-home and repeat…

With the talk of recession and lack of prospects at home, and the never ending winter, I really found that isolation was creeping up. I’m glad to say that the spring has finally sprung, and things are on the move. While I may be here for another 12-18 months things will change over the next few and I hope that next winter will be easier.

All this said, I do like it here. I think winter ‘08 took a lot out of me and it was hard for a while to see the wood for the trees.  The truths being, that I miss having my family nearby, I miss having  lots going on around me at work,  I miss my old work friends a lot, have not changed. I think this experiment has proven that I can live away and be relatively successful with it, but that there is no shame in saying that I like living in Ireland. For all its flaws.

Amsterdam is a great city to be in right now, and with open arms I welcome any bloggers or blog readers to come visit.

I am very proud of my foster city, and currently loving my return to biking after the winter. So don your cycling legs and put your beer drinking head on and come visit!

Beertje en Bitterballen!

When I read this post , of donkeys years ago, last year to be exact I shivered, perhaps you did too.

The reason I shivered is because something like this happened to me too…..

I was the typical “troubled teen” in school, always looking for a reason to be different, as if I didn’t have enough reasons.

Home life was rubbish and my Dad was ill, he has been a sufferer of manic depression since 23 (before I arrived). I use the word suffer deliberately as he does suffer, and he makes sure everyone around him does too.

Things came to a head for me when I was 16. I could no longer take the weight of a grown manic man’s problems on my teenage shoulders. I had enough of my own, my sexuality, my general difference, my lack of confidence, my lack of trust, my list was, it seemed, endless.

I thought about death and I planned for it, and I executed it, would have succeeded too…. except someone found me (I’m sure I wanted to be found really)

My “John” is that 16 yr old,

In the days and months after, I mourned her.

She died without my ever getting to talk to her, and from that waste of life I got the strength to stand up for myself.

To keep swimming…….

Its not always easy to keep my head above water, but every hour I manage it I am glad.

This life affords me such wonderful experiences (and some pretty shit ones too) but that empty joyless fearfull parallel life that could have been has given me reason to be very grateful for her passing.

First week in Amsterdam, have to say I feel like I have been here way longer.

I like it, alot. The only thing I miss about Dublin is family and friends.
Work (or what I know of it) is ok. The office is nice, out a bit, but the people are great.
All the downstairs revenue nad corporate staff are lovely. There are (or will be) four staff in my office, only one I know, there is a lady in sales I haven’t met yet and a publicity guy who hasn’t started yet.

I’m off to Paris on Tuesday to meet my boss. Wasn’t expecting to be going anywhere so soon so clothes have been an issue, or to be more exact shoes.. I only have one pair with me!

Anyway, about the city…

So where I am living impresses everyone I have met, its a REALLY nice area.
The apartment itself is great, small but perfectly formed, STEEP (and spiral) stairs leading to the 3rd floor. Then large sitting room, with a sofa that would seat 6 easy dominates the sitting room, three windows look out to the street, and across to the neighbours. Its and interesting mix of modern (IKEA) and old dark wood furniture. Little corridor to Kitchen that houses the (compact) bathroom with a really good wet room type shower. Large kitchen (i know some houses that don’t have kitchens this large) fully equipped and a bedroom off the kitchen. The bed is huge, easily a King size! and great storage everywhere!

So far no noisy neighbours, although the fact that the window are original and single glazed means that you do hear everything, but its a mostly quiet street.

We had some fun getting here, in the form of a taxi driver that thought we said Blodestraat and not Bloemstraat…… he left us in the middle of the red light district!! Not near where I live (not far tho… but it feels it with 30-something kilo’s of bags!! So we get here and the estate agent arrives …. eventually…. while we wait in the SNOW!!

Thankfully it was a long weekend so I could clean the apartment, it wasn’t dirty but it was very dusty and the dust was really making my nose and throat painful!

Went food shopping…. Albert Hijen, best compared to Superquin. there are 2 near me.. so thats handy. Food shopping used to freak me out in Paris, just as everything was very different, even tho i had been to France before… the food in Paris is different, and VERY differnet from Ireland at that time. Now I think we have such a range of european things that its no so freaky.
One thing is the food here (ready meals and so forth) are really high in calories… hmmm… I guess all that cycling pays off.

Speaking of cycling I am thinking about getting a bike, mostly cause I need more excercise and there is no point in handing out money for commuting and then again for a gym…. just getting a bike makes sense….

As for the commute, well if im outside Westermarkt (3min walk) for 8.27 I can get a tram to Waterlooplien and then a Metro to Sparklerweg….
and if I take the right exit (and not the wrong one like I took the first day) I can get to the office for 9am!